Taco Bell: So Good You Won’t Care that You’re Eating Rats

Razorblade Brain and Comfytown Chronicles made me do this. I’ll try to be brief, and when that’s not feasible, I’ll try to be funny.

1. Where were you born?

Fort Myers, Florida.

2.  Were you named after someone?

Nope. Oh, WAIT. My middle name is after my aunt Edna. Thank God I got her middle name and not her first!

3.  If you have children, how many do you have?

Two: 6yo boy, 2yo girl.

4.  How many pets do you have?

One dog, one snake. Yes, I said snake. He's just a wittle baby and I wuv him; don't hate. (Disclaimer: When my husband found him in the back yard last year I was TERRIFIED of him and it took me like three months to get over my fear of picking him up.)

5.  Your worst injury?

When my first child came shooting out of my vagina and tore my lady bits, and I had to get stitched up and it took like three months to heal.

6.  Do you have a special talent?

I draw and play viola – the prior as an amateur, the latter as a ‘pro.’ (I put quotes around ‘pro’ because it pays squat.)

7.  What's your favorite thing to bake?

Cake.

8.  Favorite Fast Food?

Taco Bell. I don’t mind rat meat, obviously. That should be their slogan: “Taco Bell: So Good You Won’t Care that You’re Eating Rats”

9.  Would you Bungee Jump?

HELL NO. I would rather… well, I would rather have a giant human climb through my vagina and tear it to bits.

10.  What's the first thing that you notice about people?

Probably what they’re saying. I try to avoid people who say stupid crap.

11.  When was the last time you cried?

Hmm. Damn… it’s been a while. Probably I saw something that tugged at my heart-strings on Facebook.

12.  Any current worries?

I am currently terrified of any food that was not produced by the Earth, thanks to a recent viewing of Hungry for Change. 

13.  Name three drinks that you drink regularly.

Water, coffee, and wine.

14.  What's your favorite book?

Any book that has ever been on a ‘banned’ list is a favorite of mine.

15.  Would you like to be a Pirate?

Not really; they seem stinky.

16.  Favorite Smells?

Spring-time air, the beach / sunblock.

17.  Why do you blog?

To grow an audience so that when I publish a book one day I’m not a complete unknown.

18.  What song do you want played at your funeral?

I choose not to think about that right now.

19.  What is your least favorite thing about yourself?

I have pimples. Effing hate them.

20.  Favorite hobby?

Aside from writing? Refinishing junk furniture to save it from the dump.

21.  What do you look for in a friend?

Humor, honesty, loyalty.

22.  Name something that you've done that you never thought you would do?

Tough Mudder.

23.  Favorite fun things to do?

Beach, movies, outdoorsy stuff with the fam.

24.  Any Pet Peeves?

When people share political or controversial claims on Facebook without first fact-checking them. Do they have any idea how incredibly STUPID they make themselves look???

25.  What's the last thing that made you laugh?

I posted the following thing on the Abandoning Pretense Facebook page, and thought it was absolutely HILARIOUS. I was really cracking myself up: 

"Did you ever notice that you can tell approximately how old a person is by their sneeze? Little kids just have a tiny little "CHSH!!" that they make that's kind of adorable unless they get snot all over you. In your twenties, you say "Ah-CHOO!" but it's not really disgusting, and most people know by this point to cover their face with their elbow. In your thirties, you start to get a little more creative: "AHHH-CHOOOOOOOOEYYYY!!!!" and you maybe throw a leg up in the air for added emphasis if it was really a doozey. But overall the sneeze is still kind of high-pitched and could almost be classified as cute. Almost. In your forties, you have a much bigger wind-up, "AH... AH... AAAAAHHHHH.... KERBLOOEYYYYYY!!!!!" and you throw yourself into a chair to rest afterward. In your fifties, it just gets all kinds of crazy... the wind-up sounds all grumbly and has everyone wondering if you're about to cough, sneeze, or have a heart-attack, because at this point it's hard to tell, "AH... GRRRUMPH-UH-GUH-UGH-AH-GAHBLOOOOEYYYYY!!!!!!!" and the explosion itself almost kills you. You fall on the floor, even if you're in public, because you just don't have control over that shit anymore. Etc etc... you get the point. Ever notice that?"

Now I'm supposed to tag 10 bloggers, but I don’t feel like it. I still have two more of these things to do, and I am trying to write a novel over here, kay? But please do go read more:

1) Razorblade Brain because she is brilliant and deep, a great writer, and funny without even trying to be.

2) Comfytown Chronicles because she's kinda new around here and has some interesting shit to say. Also, she is my soul sister, because she has a snake and likes Taco Bell, and that can't be coincidence, can it?