Thursday, December 5, 2013

Gratitude, Unexpected

Notice how it’s December now and suddenly ain’t nobody thankful for jack-squat anymore? Now it's all about those damn elves.
Just kidding.
Sort of.
I didn’t post any of my This-Day-in-November-I’m-Thankful-for- posts on Abandoning Pretense because I thought it would be preferable to annoy the crap out of you in one big burst of sun-shiney gratitude rather than in tedious dribs and drabs. My personal friends got the daily dose, so I think it’s obvious who my real favorites are.
Anyway. Here’s what I had to be thankful for in November (and still am, in spite of my new obsession with drumming up non-messy hijinks for Zachary, our OCD elf.):
Nov 2: “Okay, I'll do the thankful thing too. But I'll have to double-up some days because I'll forget a bunch. Yesterday I was thankful for my juicer. Today I am thankful for my able body.”
Yes, I did forget to be thankful on like ten different days. BTW this is the day I ran my second Tough Mudder. I REALLY WAS thankful for my body after 12 miles of muddy obstacles!
Nov 3: “Today I'm thankful for two things: 1) my awesome neighbors who watched our kids yesterday while we ran 12 miles in the mud and 2) windows that open and the cool breezes that blow through them.”
It was the first day we Floridians were able to open our windows without melting all the plastics in the house.
Nov 4: “Today I'm thankful for these delicious tomatoes that came from my garden.”
If you could combine tomatoes and crack, you would get these:
They're so good I won't share them.

Nov 5: “Today I'm thankful for photography. Just got my Tough Mudder photos and they are hilarious. Some really great ones of me getting electrocuted. Lol”
I wish I could show them to you guys. But alas, they (four freakin’ pictures) cost $70 dollars. WTF why dontcha just put a gun to my head and rob me.
Nov 6: “‘Those black spots above your eyes that are soft.’ - eyebrows, as defined by Mari. Today I am thankful for my daughter.”
Three-year-olds say THE BEST STUFF, don’t they? If you don’t have a three-year-old in your life, go get one right now. But not in a creepy way.
Nov 7: “Today I'm grateful to be injury-free on my first day back exercising. 3.1 miles at a 9:40 pace? Sure, I'll take it!”
I wonder how many of my friends were like, “OMG WHEN WILL SHE SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT HER HEALTHY LIFESTYLE.”
Nov 9: “I forgot to say what I was thankful for yesterday... I was thankful for great finds at goodwill - *poppin' tags* Yeahhhh that's right I just wrote that. And today I'm thankful for ice cream.”
Here’s where I start to forget to be thankful… and also, like everyone else, I’m running out of things to be thankful for so I’m starting to say weird crap.
Nov 12: “Yesterday I didn't want to be thankful for anything because I was mad that I have an IUD irretrievably lodged in my uterus. But today I realized that I am thankful this happened after I'd already had 2 kids. And today I'm thankful for the ability to gain a fresh perspective after a good night's sleep.”
See? I skipped two days. Guess I just didn’t care anymore. No, I was seriously stressing about my uterus. I was having a hard time being thankful those few days.
Nov 13: “Today I'm thankful for Gizmo the dog. He always makes me smile.”
I wanted to say I was thankful for my dog right from the beginning, but I didn’t want to sound like an animal-obsessed lunatic. But sometimes it seriously feels like he is the only person in the house who “gets me.” That, and he always does what I tell him to do the first time I tell him. And…WOOK AT HIS SMUSHY WITTLE FACE:
I mean come on.
Nov 14: “Today I'm thankful that it is RAINING VIOLIN STUDENTS. Now if only it would rain time...”
People keep calling me for violin lessons. This is awesome, but the only time I can teach is in those precious after-school hours when I need to be helping Lucas with homework, driving him to soccer, mediating sibling arguments, and cooking dinner for the family. Anyway, I have four students now, and that’s about all I can handle.
Nov 15: “Today I'm thankful for whoever passed along my contact info to the personnel manager at the Orlando Phil. WHO DID THAT?!”
Orlando Philharmonic, you guys. That is like a real orchestra! WOOT. I still don’t know how they got my info.
Nov 16: “Today I am grateful for... well I'm grateful for my easy, full and blessed life. I have NOTHING to complain about.”
Because THIS that showed up in my Facebook feed and made me ugly-cry:
Here’s ^^^ where I feel like a complete piece of shit for complaining about my stupid IUD.
Nov 21: “Today I'm thankful for - I can't believe I'm saying this - dioramas. (It's spending time with my sweet boy that I'm really thankful for.)”
Popsicle stick longhouses and cotton-ball clouds, you guys. And thank God it didn’t look like his other Native American project, which was supposed to be a totem pole but totally looked like a sculpture of a penis. Oh and notice how I didn’t post jack-squat for four days? UNGRATEFUL, huh. 
Okay okay, I made the popsicle-stick-house. He did the rest.
You can't make this shit up, people.
Nov 22: “Ok so today I'm thankful for Groupon - going to the movies on the cheap with my sexy Latin lover!”
Don’t tell my husband.
Oh and Im thankful for ‘Groupon?’ Really?
Nov 25: “Today I'm thankful to my friend Lindsay for sharing this on FB. What a great start to my day!”
Its a post with an adorable dog sitting still with a bunch of random crap on his head:
And now I’m thankful for people. (And dogs again, sort of.) How convenient. This could go on for a year. Okay, two months. I don’t have that many friends. But I really do love doggy-posts on Facebook. Gimme all the doggy posts.
Nov 26: “Today I am thankful for my cousin Sheri. And she knows exactly why.”
Another person. But seriously, this was the day I published a distraught post about our struggles with Lucas’ ADHD, and Sheri called just to “be there” for me. She made me ugly-cry right before I went jogging.
Nov. 28, Thanksgiving Day:
Lucas: “Hey, LOOK, mom! It says ‘Macy's,’ like the store! They have Macy's in this parade, mom!”

Me: “Macy's sponsors the parade, sweetie.”

Lucas: “Oh. Well, that was nice of them.”
God I love that kid.
I really am thankful, you guys. I like to joke around and be an ass, but I know how good I have it.
And now I’m going to go on pinterest and find non-messy ideas for Zachary the OCD elf.  
What about you? What are you most thankful for?


  1. I was super thankful the day you posted that picture of your sons project on Facebook. The infamous totem pole. That ish was hillarious.

    1. It broke, btw. The smiley-face fell off.

  2. I love your penis, yo. Wait that sounded creepy, I meant to say I love your SON'S penis.

    1. Girrrrrrrrrrrrrrl OH NO YOU DIDN'T. lmao

  3. Like the idea of one bug sunshine burst instead of daily ones. ;)

    Seriously though, these are great in that the show the real little things in life. I mean Groupon? Yeah, that's pretty cool if it isn't life-changing.

    1. It was actually really fun writing this post - going back through the month of November and reliving the things for which I was thankful, and gaining new perspective on those days when I felt like spitting on the sidewalk and snarling at innocents.

      Life is simple and good.

  4. I'm the same way about my dogs--no matter how crappy my day is, those dogs just make me smile--very grateful for them!

    1. Yep. Sometimes I think he's my favorite. But I don't tell anyone because that's weird.

  5. Hilarious. Omg that art project is priceless!! I am thankful for my new home and chatter box of a daughter who does not let me be lonely while daddy's away :)) Oh, and also for my new blog! I'm pretty shallow, eh?

    1. You are NOT shallow. Don't even say that. ;)